Dazed And Confused.

I try to write at least a couple of blogs a week, however, that often tends to be better said than done.

There are of course a number of reasons for this, primary amongst them being that I’m a lazy bastard.

However, today I have something a bit different for my three readers.

Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love the movie Dazed And Confused. For those who don’t know me, now you know.

Along with Clerks, it’s probably my all-time favourite movie.

However, it ends with so many questions. Did Pink end up playing football that year? Did O’Bannion ever get over Mitch/Carl/their mates dumping paint or birdshit on him? (What was in that bucket, anyway? I went for paint but best mate is convinced it was bird shit).

And, most of all, who’s relationships lasted the longest?

If I’m going to put on my Film Critic Wanker Hat for a second, Dazed And Confused is a movie about relationships. Be they platonic, fraternal, sexual, whatever – without the depth given by Richard Linklater to his character’s relationships you got a movie with little to no plot or meaning.

But for this blog, I’m just thinking about hook-ups. Of which there were plenty in the movie. We saw freshman Mitch hook up with sophomore Julie, Tony letting some passion out with his final kiss with Sabrina at the end and who can forget Wooderson and Cynthia?

Since I have no life, every time I watch the movie (by now, that’s a triple digit number), stoned or not, I start asking myself which relationships lasted and for how long. Well, in this blog I’ve decided to resolve that question for myself.

Mitch and Julie.

I decided to start with this pairing because I felt it would be the easiest. I didn’t like Julie’s character much in the film – mostly because I didn’t find her that good to look at and while she got major speaking time, Dawson’s smokin’ hot girlfriend got about five lines throughout the whole film. And for God’s sake, why would you waste Joey Lauren Adams’ divine voice on a bit part?.

That said, however, even if Linklater had cast a hotter actress in Julie’s role I still doubt Mitch and Julie would have made it through the summer. Primarily because they’re the youngest couple in the film, but also because Julie clearly seems to be a popular girl – even though she’s a sophomore she’s matey with all the senior girls – and Mitch is ultimately just a freshman who still has to prove himself in the big new world of high school. While he probably will – the parallels between him and Pink are obvious (as clearly set out when he gives Mitch a ride home) that will take time which won’t be enough for a popular sophomore girl like Julie who probably draws the interest of plenty of upperclassmen.

Prediction: Break up by August and both start the year single, leading to Mitch hooking up with the girl with the overbite Hirschfelder was trying to get with at their dance.

Wooderson and Cynthia.

It’s easy to imagine that this one would be over once Wooderson gets a taste of Cynthia’s raspberry pubes – which, indeed, was my original thought.

However, life and love is rarely that simple. I have a sneaking suspicion that Wooderson, for all his legendary horn-dogging, may finally have met his match in Cynthia’s red hair and intellectual curiosity - the old saying about opposites attracting coming into play here.

The question that then has to be asked is whether Cynthia can sustain a relationship with Wooderson while still maintaining her friendship with Tony and Mike. Since she's clearly a smart, perceptive sort of girl, I imagine she can juggle both.

Prediction: For whatever weird, fucked-up reason, I can totally imagine these two in a serious relationship that lasts. At least until Cynthia starts tying Wooderson down a bit (no hanging out in front of the Emporium!) and starts nagging him about going back to school.

I'll come back to this topic at some point and cover Tony and Sabrina as well as Pink and Simone, but the lazy bastard gene has kicked in. Later, bleeps.